My Newz 'n Ideas

It is my intent to express my opinion and to discuss current events. Feel free to make suggestions to fields you would like to see covered, and I will consider them. Please leave your name with comments. Thank you. Arabic: عربي.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Domestic Violence--the loudest silent killer

Domestic violence is the cancer that is running rampant through our communities, yet it is seldom discussed, very little awareness is available, and most preventable. I would like to talk to you about this plague.

I am writing this because I am involved with something at this moment that has kept me in hiding for 7 years. It doesn't matter. He finds me. I received a letter last night.

I turned it over to the police, because I do have a restraining order against him. That has never stopped him before. He has been to prison most of his life, so it won't bother him if he goes back.

This is what I would like to talk to you about: if someone is yelling at you all the time, leave. Leave before it escalates. It will escalate. You cannot "fix it" and it isn't your fault. Love doesn't hurt. You may love the other person, but I can assure they do not feel the same way. They do not love themself, so they cannot feel it for you.

One of the biggest held secrets is that men are abused and assaulted almost as often as women. Men, do not put up with it. Walk out...and keep on walking. Do not feel ashamed because you didn't strike a woman. That is admirable. Staying in that situation, however, is foolish. It could also be life endangering. Make a police report, also. You will need a paper trail.

Women, oh beautiful women, why? Why do we believe we can fix the whole world? Can you fix your car? Can you make wine? Can you fix your stupid computer? Then what makes us think we can fix him?

It took me 8 years to finally get a restraining order against him. That was partly because the police could not serve him to show up in court. He knew how and when to hide. I got him when he was in prison! Tag, you're served!

I do not wish to go into details, but I will tell you that I love him 'till this day. I also hate him. I hate myself, too, for allowing what happened to happen. Was I ashamed? Yes. Embarrased? Yes. Afraid? YES. Did that make me angry? YES. Can anyone think straight with all of those emotions? Yes. If you focus.

You must pretend someone has asked you for advise. What would you tell someone else in your situation? We have been hiding the truth up until now, so everyone expects us to be able to answer this question. Besides, we think more clearly when trying to help others. After all, isn't this how we ended up in this situation to begin with?

It really is okay to be alone. It may be hard, but it's okay. It's even better if you can make some new friends in a different county or state.

There is also a number you may call for advise: 1-800-799-7233. This is the domestic violence hotline. They may be able to help set you up with a shelter and police protection for the evening.

I haven't seen him in over 3 years, yet my hands are shaking and I'm jumping at every little noise again. What I am saying to you is do not hide like I did. You only hurt yourself. It does take a long time to get yourself back to being who you were before, if ever. I'll let you know when I get there! LOL

It is okay to cry, to forgive, to pray for him/her, and many other things. The one thing that is not okay--never go back. I don't care how much you miss him/her. It will be worse. You are putting your life in danger. That is why you need to get something in you life to keep you going.

When you do leave, my suggestion to you is to do it while he/she is no where around or you have the police standing right there. What most people don't understand is that you are in the most danger at that vulnerable moment. He/she will beg, swear his/her allegiance to you, cry, etc. When you reject them, they will understand YOU are doing this TO THEM.

This is the way they think. It doesn't matter why. You are the one being unreasonable, no matter what they did. That is why if you come back after all their begging, swearing they found God (as if He were lost), or you just got lonely--they still remember YOU are the one that caused all the pain. You can't fix that. You will do whatever it is you did before. I know you don't know what it was that you did. That is why you'll do it again! You can't change that. You could end up dead, though.

Please, be careful. You who I'm talking to, you know who you are. My prayers go with you.